When you choose to make positive thinking a goal in your life, you will find it is easier in some areas than others. Identifying the areas of your life, or triggers, allows you to catch yourself in the act faster, helping you to turn your thoughts around. Recognise it is all in your perspective.
One of the areas in my life where I could use more practice and strengthen is Mommy guilt. It is a tough one; even the littlest things can make you feel guilty as a Mom. Things that someone on the outside looking in may think to themselves are silly. In turning around my perspective and seeing it in a more positive light, Mommy guilt is basically the constant evaluation of our parenting with the desire to be the best parent we can be. That isn’t so bad after all, and probably something most can relate to.
From time to time we evaluate are performance in different areas of our life in trying to better ourselves, or in recognizing changes in our priorities. Striving to live life well is a wonderful goal, but it is important to remember not to beat ourselves up right now in doing so, because right now is most important.
If we can view Mommy guilt as a constructive desire to parent well, and maybe even re-name it in a more positive light, let’s say Mommy growth, why not break down individual circumstances and turn them around and view them in a more helpful way. Often what we feel guilty about when taking a step back isn’t as dramatic as we first thought.
For example there have been times when I felt guilty that my daughter, my second child, doesn’t get as much one on one time with myself or my husband that our first born son did. Feeling guilty about that certainly isn’t productive, and in fact may cause more harm than good because when we are happy and confident that rubs off on our children in a better way. Being a happy and confident parent does not mean we have to be perfect, it simply means we desire our children to be exposed to positive feelings as much as possible.
It is easier to let go of the guilt when you can turn the situation around and see it from a different perspective. Taking time to change my perspective works better for me I should say, I am not as good at shutting my mind off when I know it is not what I want to be thinking about as say my husband. J It may sound like a joke, but it is not. I truly admire that my husband is better at letting things go than I tend to be, so for me it takes a little more reflection until I decide to see a situation differently.
Back to the example, instead of feeling guilty that my daughter does not get as much one on one time with us as my son did, I feel good that the quality of attention she gets is better. I believe my daughter has the benefit of us being more experienced parents. We have more of the parenting dilemmas figured out this time around. On top of what I believe is better quality time, she has more teachers around to guide her. Big brother is there to help show her the ropes and give his love to her. That is very special in and of itself.
Letting the guilt go, being happy with the way things are right now, and setting aside special time for her makes us both better off.
What is one thing you can change your perspective on to be a happier person today?