Before I had my first child I had a miscarriage.
I  know exactly when it was... before the bleeding even started. 
I wasn't very far along, maybe 10 or 11 weeks when I went to work one day and started bleeding.
I was 6 weeks when the baby died.
I remember it.
The shower felt really hot... suffocating in fact.
It was small and enclosed with a glass door.
I got out, stepped onto the bathroom floor mat and curled over in pain. It hurt so bad for a moment I lied naked on the floor in a tight ball. 
I also remember the moment I knew I was pregnant. Not when I took the test. It was earlier than that.
I was watching the movie Garden State.
I had a smidge of Bailey's in my coffee. Something I occasionally did on the weekend as a treat.
It's the only time I consciously remember having alcohol when there was a possibility of me being pregnant.
Like it didn't count unless I had proof I was pregnant.
It haunts me from time to time - wondering if I caused damage to my own baby.
Or maybe it wasn't meant to be?
Maybe it happened to teach me something about life and death, unconditional love, or that becoming a parent is a gift?
About 10 years later I stopped drinking completely, barely swallowing a sip here and there to acknowledge the flavor of a good champagne or wine.
I didn't stop because I was addicted, although my heart aches for anyone who is.
I stopped drinking because as I became more and more sensitive to energy. As my intuitive strength grew, and I became stronger in myself I didn't like what alcohol did to me.
It blocked me, and I never wanted to be blocked again.
I want all my senses turned on, working and open.
I want my third eye open.
I want to be able to feel and see the energy around me, visible and not.
I was young... 24 when I miscarried. My body bounced back quickly.
Not too long after the miscarriage, a full cycle, I tried again and got pregnant right away again.
I didn't touch alcohol or anything I thought could even possibly, remotely hurt my baby.
I painstakingly followed all the rules without question.
I had a healthy son.
One that didn't want to sleep anywhere but on me.
One that would bite me hard when he was teething.
A son I love with my whole heart.
3 years after that I gave birth to a big, beautiful 9 lb 5 oz girl.
I often wondered if she was the girl I miscarried come back to be with me on Earth.
If not, and my baby girl is up there in heaven amongst the stars and loving dimensions I hope she knows how much I love her, how much I miss her, how much I would love one of her hugs right now.
I am so excited for the day I knowingly see her again!
I wonder if she sits over my shoulder loving me unconditionally.
I wonder if she hears me when I cry, if she feels when my heart hurts.
I wonder if she felt the pain I felt the moment she died in my tummy. 
I know she's with me whether she's a part of my daughter, or my guardian angel, or both...anything's possible.
I'm so lucky she loved me so much she let me carry her for the amount of time she did.
Maybe it's important to say I have no proof she was a girl. I just know. 
I want you to know that true love can never die, whether it walks beside us in human form or not.
I want you to know that your heavenly babies love you and are still with you.
And there are a lot of women like me who are here for you, who's heart both hurt with yours, and share your joy.
I pulled this card today and I knew it was time...
15 years later to feel her with me now, share our story (hers and mine),
​And let you know I am here for you!

Hi friends!

Welcome to our home sweet home.

This year we had a cozy Thanksgiving at home.

The main feature was vegetable pot pie, as per the kids request. We actually prepared the filling ahead of time, cooled it completely, placed it into the raw crust, and instead of cooking it, we froze it. Then, on Thanksgiving, when we were preparing the other dishes on the stove-top, we baked it. It turned out amazing with a nicely browned crust and a bit of filling bubbling through the 3, heart-shaped vents in the middle! That's the first time we pre-made the vegetable pot pie and cooked it from frozen, so we were thrilled it worked out so well.

While we were cooking, there was also some sports going on at the same time of course...

This is us feeling accomplished after lots of cooking AND Gonzaga winning the Thanksgiving day basketball game at the same time!

Naturally, the very second Thanksgiving was over we were full on into Christmas over here! I have to admit we did have a mini rosemary tree with Christmas lights on it out for Thanksgiving. We needed rosemary for the mashed potatoes, so a holiday tree seemed like the way to go... and OK, I've been watching Hallmark Christmas movies for quite a while now, maybe even as early as Halloween. . . I figure every year I age the time goes by a little faster so I can start watching earlier, right?! 2020 marks a milestone birthday for me, 4-0! So I'll probably have to start watching Christmas movies in September. I like to call it the Christmas half of the year. Plus a Hallmark Christmas movie is just what I'd prescribe if you're having a down day, any time of the year hehe ;-).

On black Friday, while hundreds thronged to the malls and superstores, our family ventured out of the city into Green Bluff, Washington to pick out the perfect little Colorado Spruce. They are wonderfully fragrant, silvery blue/green, prickly and altogether beautiful. I love how there's lots of space between the branches for ornaments to hang nicely, and these trees are great at keeping their needles. Plus, any contact with them hurts so it deters little ones from wanting to play with the tree.

Putting the lights on the tree up and down each branch is a ton of painful work, but so worth it in the end! Pretty sure Griswold would agree it has a lot of meaning that way (this Clark sure does)!

The lights and feathers are on and it's already dark here at the late hour of 3:45pm, so we hung the ornaments under the soft tree glow.

This year the children hung a record number of ornaments themselves, but they were kind to me and asked often how I felt about the placement. Isn't that sweet?! Some things I'm really enjoying about them getting older. There really are jewels at every stage.

And this is what the tree looks like in broad daylight when we wake up in the morning.

Living in the city, we don't have a fireplace, and I have to say I really miss it! There are great perks, though, like living 2 seconds from the best coffee shop in the Pacific Northwest--or the best in the world if you ask me, Indaba. No joke, the only thing we dislike about going out of town to travel is leaving our favorite coffee shop behind. We've turned into such a pair of chai tea snobs!

We got a little creative and created a woodsy themed mantel under the good ol' Netflix yule log, and we don't even have to worry about the stockings catching fire, or melting any chocolate Santa might put in them. There's always a bright side!

We hope you have a divine, magical holiday season and that December is full of wonder for you!

p.s. While you're here visiting check out a few, fun favorite holiday recipes of ours! Any treasured dishes or cookies you're going to make? Let us know in the comments. We love hearing about all things CHRISTMAS!

Hoping the last days of the year are merry and bright! Wishing for you some white sparkly snow too (if you want it of course ;-)

With love, gratitude, and warmest wishes from our family to yours,
​Wendy Irene

Conflict; just hearing the word can make us feel uneasy. The thing is unless you live in a bubble, which I’m pretty sure you don’t since you’re on the internet, conflict is a part of all of our lives. If you have a family, it might be a part of daily life, or even hourly, ha!
​
In this video I talk about a great way to keep your vibration elevated so that you have more to give in the situation. If your vibration drops, don’t worry it happens, but as soon as you’re conscious of it remember you’re only a moment, or a quick visualization away from raising it again.

Watch this video to find out more.

From the space of unconditional love we are better able to serve no matter how tempting it is to jump out and meet someone where they are at. When you stay centered in the space of your true being you don’t jeopardize your feelings of self-love, and that energy alone can create powerful transformation. The more you practice this, the easier it gets. Please don’t beat yourself up if it takes a lot of practice, or it doesn’t always work for you. Praise yourself for wanting to be connected to your higher-self, or unconditional love as often as you possibly can.

Lots of love & peaceful vibes,
Wendy Irene

Do you love being a Mom but also wonder if there is more to life? Do you ever feel lost in your parental duties? Do you wonder how you can find a
way to answer your higher calling and simultaneously do your sacred work as a parent?

In this video I discuss the importance of having a creative outlet in order to feel fulfilled. Having a creative outlet has had an enormous impact on my life and overall happiness. I urge you not to ignore the voice inside that quietly but persistently whispers or longs for something more.

YouTube Video: http://youtu.be/V9kyv50oxrk

Thank you for watching, friends! I appreciate you.

Your voice matters and your experience helps others. Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Are you a Mom that feels lost in the onslaught of parental duties? Have you ever struggled to feel fulfilled? What advice do you have for other Moms in the community?

With love & gratitude,
 Wendy Irene

I’ve learned a lot this week, and one of the biggest lessons of all was how much my children crave stability. In the last few weeks we moved into a new house in a neighboring town, my son started 1st grade in a new school, and my 3 ½ year-old daughter started pre-school. Besides the large amount of work that goes into moving and changing your address, my husband and I
have been really happy and excited. I love a good opportunity to re-organize and start fresh. We were previously renting because when we moved from Vancouver, BC to Idaho we wanted time to learn the area. Owning a home now feels like a blessing. I’m excited to really make the place our own instead of living what felt like half way, not wanting to hang our favorite pictures and fully move in.

My kids on the other hand are a completely different story. I do believe they love their new home. It was easier on them to move this time in that they still get to see the friends they made in the area, even though they are not attending the same school. But the difficulty of change is bubbling up to the surface in interesting ways and I can sense it in their demeanor.

Currently, my son is often feeling anxious and crying more than usual about things that may seem small to you or me. We have to remind ourselves to be very patient, compassionate, and not judge what it is that upsets him. His
new public school is very intimidating compared to the tiny private kindergarten he attended with a small classroom size and a lot of individual attention. Trying to figure out how to find his classroom, locker, make new friends, ride the bus, and especially the lunch system are very confusing for him. When he feels anxious he doesn’t function at his best, and things that may seem simple to an adult are difficult for a child.

I see in his eyes how hard change is on him, and how much he craves stability. While my husband and I adapt well to change, and often embrace and enjoy change because it feels like a new adventure, it is not the same with kids. I know for me I handle change now completely differently than I did as a child. It seems kids adapt because they have to, but they are not capable of handling the stress in the same way.

This move has really made me want to provide a long term stable home for my children, to consider the importance of stability in their overall happiness and put it as a much higher priority in our lives. I want our kids to consider their home a safe, secure, stable environment, and not fear us pulling the rug out from underneath them. It has been a real eye opener and even though I know I can’t predict the future, I do know stability for my children will be a much bigger consideration than it previously was.

How do you help your children with change? As a child, do you remember craving stability? Do you consider stability important in your family’s life?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

With love & gratitude,
 Wendy Irene

When you speak to your children, what do they hear? Is it a tone of love or one of stress and frustration? The way we speak to our children impacts the inner voice that we are instilling in them. Our children learn from us how to handle the world, and how to react in a difficult situation.

In this video I talk about becoming aware of the inner voice we are instilling in our kids and how I am working to improve that with my own children. This video also addresses how to recognize the mirrors that reflect our personality, so that we can become the best version of ourselves. In the video you will begin to learn about the choices and power we all have to help create a positive inner voice in our children.

YouTube Video: http://youtu.be/2jmQ2Cj_HnU

Thank you for watching, friends!

Your insight is incredibly valuable.

Do you have any tips or advice on how to act out of love in difficult situations? Is there anything that helps keep you from talking in a negative tone to the people you love most when you are having a stressful day? Will you help me spread awareness of the impact we have as parents to nurture our children’s inner voice?

I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts!

With love & gratitude,
 Wendy Irene

What do you do when you feel yourself about to react negatively? And that’s putting it lightly! You know the point when things are about to get UGG-LY. You feel like you have been pushed too far and you’re about to scream.
When butting heads with your kids doesn’t even come close to describing it? When your co-worker is being completely unreasonable? Your family is driving you MAD! It’s a hellish moment and you are on the verge of bursting into a Mommy monster.

The key to not reacting is to be the observer.

Observe the desire to react within yourself instead of being the reaction. Take a step back and look at the reaction about to be released within you. You are not that reaction! Have you ever noticed when you are reacting to
something you become totally swept away in your emotions? They completely become you. For me, it feels like my emotions overtaking my mind.

While I am meditating my kids go upstairs for quiet time. Every afternoon around 3pm we take a break as a family, and have quiet time. I encourage my kids to go in their rooms with a few books to read or to look at the pictures. It doesn’t always go smoothly. Some days they play together. On this particular day they began to fight and cry. At this point in the day I am pretty tired and in need of a breather. Inside I felt like going up there and telling them to shut-it. Stop crying. Stop fighting. Just be quite for 10 minutes.

This is not how I want to act towards my children. I love them way more than the sometimes unpleasant emotions that I feel. The exact point when you feel yourself about to breakdown is also the very moment you have a
choice. You can choose to be the reactor or the observer. Pause in the moment when you’re on the edge and feel the window of choice open up.

If you focus on being the observer, that is where you can find your peaceful, calm, kind, loving  self.

Right now in my life I am working on being the observer. When I feel myself about to react, I try to pull myself back into observer mode. That is where I feel most connected to God, divine energy, or my higher self, whatever you choose to call it.

When I am the observer, I am my soul.

The capability to be the observer has always been there, I just didn’t know it.

Choose to be the observer, and not the reactor.

Choose to be your soul, and not your ego.

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Share your wisdom with me in the comments below – What do you do to keep yourself from reacting in stressful situations? How do you keep your cool?

Recently, I’ve been having little pep talks with myself about slowing down, immersing myself in the present moment, and enjoying more. Monday
morning we were running around getting ready to take my son to school. The clock was ticking away as it does. It came time to brush my daughter’s hair. I decided I was going to take this opportunity to be in the moment, focus solely on the simple task of brushing her hair.

The brush glided through her shimmering locks, and I consciously took a few deep breaths. I appreciated the beauty of her hair, and its silky feel. I fully appreciated the moment with her, the sensation of our loving exchange. This usual morning routine was completely transformed simply by being present in the moment at hand.

Instead of worrying about the future, and what’s next, and the oncoming tasks of getting everyone’s shoes on, getting in the car, driving to school, I was able to stay in the moment and therefor felt gratitude for our interaction instead of stress. It was a huge eye opener for me to see how beautiful even chaotic times during the day can be if we stay present.

Today during one normal activity in your daily routine, take a moment to breathe consciously and focus only on the task at hand. Let go of everything else. You’ll find that is where the joy in your life resides.

The present moment is where love and gratitude for life are found.

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Sorry to my lovely email subscribers. Tuesday’s video did not come through in the email. Here is the link to the video on YouTube: http://youtu.be/HhzsKoS1tHg

The other day I experienced a great opportunity to work on myself, and practice acting with love. My kids and I were outside. While sitting on the porch in the glorious sunlight my daughter was reading a book about bugs, and my son was blowing bubbles. After a few minutes my son decided he wanted his bug book back, and began to feel really upset when his sister wouldn’t hand it over.

Tears began to flow and my son’s anger increased. He threw down his sunglasses, trying to break them.  I could feel myself getting upset and about to react. I had just bought those new sunglasses yesterday because his old ones broke. After speaking with him and asking him to calm down, he threw his glasses smashing them hard onto the ground again. This is the point when I normally would have started yelling, but surprisingly by the grace of God a quote popped into my head.

“The reason that challenges arise is simple: to make you more aware of your inner purpose.”  ~ Deepak Chopra, Twitter #SpiritualSolutions

Instead of yelling I asked my son to go inside and take deep breaths until he was calm. For some reason even though he was angry he listened to me and went inside. Immediately I wondered if the act of staying conscious and remembering Deepak’s wise words, instead of engaging in the instinct to react, helped us both. Either way it was a moment to celebrate.

“Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe and transcends all
boundaries.”  ~ Deepak Chopra


We are one in this journey.